I am a classic introvert, which means that if I don’t get sufficient time alone, I start to get a little, ahem, edgy. Tonight I came unglued in the shower when I discovered that there was only half a head’s worth of conditioner left, and there was no way to get the new bottle except to get out, soaking wet, put on a robe, and go to the living room and get the new bottle I purchased yesterday. I may have stomped a little bit on the way. I might have been a little childish. I might still, an hour later, even after my husband did the work of putting Zinashi to bed, be a little bit crabby about it. I might hold a grudge until I can clear up which conditioner belongs to whom and say something childish about no one touching my stuff.
But it shouldn’t be a surprise to me that I feel this way. Not about the conditioner, but just about, I-don’t-even-know, things that are not that important. I just need space, and as much as I struggled with that as simply half of a couple, I struggle with it on a much larger scale now. To give my daughter what she needs, to give myself up to the work of attachment, I sacrifice personal space a lot of the time. And when my husband is home, as much as he can be helpful with Zinashi, and as much as I usually enjoy being hanging out with him, it’s also one more person in my space. And I go a little nuts from time to time.
I don’t have a good solution for this one just yet. But maybe you do. Maybe you are an introvert mom who has figured this one out. Maybe you have a system for a certain time each week that everyone but you must leave the house, or maybe you have a big enough house that you can go somewhere and have no one in your way, or maybe you just built yourself a shed in the backyard and that’s working out really well for you. Or maybe, just maybe (please let it not be this one, oh please), you somehow just figured out how to let it go. If you’ve stood in my shoes and figured out something that works out well for everyone, that doesn’t leave your children or your husband feeling neglected, I’d like to hear from you.
In the meantime, I’ll be out back, building a little shed for myself and nursing my conditioner related grudges.