To Sleep, Perchance to…Well…Sleep

Did I say that sleep issues have calmed down since we got home? I must have written that before Jarod went back to work. Because now Zinashi has declared war on sleep, and the truth is that no one wins if she doesn’t settle down and just sleep already, for the love of Pete. It makes sense that she doesn’t want to sleep, and it breaks my heart when she starts screaming when she knows we’re serious (read: when we sit down in the rocking chair and swaddle her). This girl lost everyone she knew, and now she doesn’t know what to make of Ababi being gone for most of the day. Is he really coming back? Time will tell how long it will take to prove to her that, yes, Ababi comes back every time. And in the meantime, she does her absolute best to keep a constant vigil. The intensity of her refusal to sleep makes me cry sometimes, just thinking of where that need to keep watch comes from. I long to comfort her, but there’s no real comfort to be had until she can trust that we always come back. In Addis, we had to earn this trust, and eventually we ended up with this:

she fought sleep, and sleep won

That’s what we’re working for now. Every afternoon and every night. And then, when she wakes, a little less of a look of surprise and elation that we are indeed still right there with her.

Okay, fine, we will totally take the elation every single time. But let’s ditch the surprise. Because no one’s leaving Zinashi, not anymore. We promise.



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3 responses to “To Sleep, Perchance to…Well…Sleep

  1. ok seriously, do I have to cry *every single time* I read your blog? seriously?
    I don’t think I’ve ever seen this comment window without a little blur in the way.

    her fears are totally heartbreaking…
    It thrills me and is the only consolation, that you are now standing there faithfully to dispel those, to satisfy the need for constance, to bring peace in the unrest.

    just love you all so much. wow.
    I love how she loves Ababi.
    I’m dying to hear for myself her distinct rendering of Mami and Ababi and the inflections in her vowels, to see her eyes follow you across the room and drink in her gentle physiognomy, but alas, my imagination shall have to suffice, as my teleporter is on the fritz. And that’s’ not something you really want to risk using when it’s not 100%.

    • findingmagnolia

      I should get a video of how excited she gets when Ababi walks in the door after work. It’s like she CANNOT BELIEVE that he really is there, and for dinner! Just like Mami said!

      You would just love her to bits, Jenni. Maybe someday we’ll manage that long-wished-for Nova Scotia vacation and you can meet her.

  2. Jen

    …and then when you’re done in Nova Scotia, you can head west to Toronto and then I can meet her! And if you could bring Jenni since she sounds like a gal I’d also like to meet (talk about a way with words!)
    You are surrounded by adoring people, near and far!

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