Did I say that sleep issues have calmed down since we got home? I must have written that before Jarod went back to work. Because now Zinashi has declared war on sleep, and the truth is that no one wins if she doesn’t settle down and just sleep already, for the love of Pete. It makes sense that she doesn’t want to sleep, and it breaks my heart when she starts screaming when she knows we’re serious (read: when we sit down in the rocking chair and swaddle her). This girl lost everyone she knew, and now she doesn’t know what to make of Ababi being gone for most of the day. Is he really coming back? Time will tell how long it will take to prove to her that, yes, Ababi comes back every time. And in the meantime, she does her absolute best to keep a constant vigil. The intensity of her refusal to sleep makes me cry sometimes, just thinking of where that need to keep watch comes from. I long to comfort her, but there’s no real comfort to be had until she can trust that we always come back. In Addis, we had to earn this trust, and eventually we ended up with this:
That’s what we’re working for now. Every afternoon and every night. And then, when she wakes, a little less of a look of surprise and elation that we are indeed still right there with her.
Okay, fine, we will totally take the elation every single time. But let’s ditch the surprise. Because no one’s leaving Zinashi, not anymore. We promise.