Already Causing Me to Grow as a Person

Dear Magnolia,

One thing you should know right now is that I hate the phone, and I hate making people go out of their way to do things for me. You may doubt this first one as you grow up, as there are a few people with whom I’ve found I have magnificent phone chemistry, and so I can talk to them for hours on end, but for the most part, both of these things are true. My heart races when I dial a number. I get nervous asking someone to go back and do something the right way, the way I need it done. But for you, I have done and am doing these things. I have called people I do not know, I have called back to tell them when the things they have given me aren’t just right, I have asserted myself when I would rather just be quiet and walk out the door. Not everyone in this world is kind and accomodating, Magnolia, even for beautiful babies who are waiting to come home. But today I made a call to someone I need to help us, and he was kind and encouraging and listened to me when I gave him instructions on how to get the form just right so that you can come home. This time when I cried a little bit at the end of the phone call, it was both because someone had been so warm and caring and because it gets us one step closer to you.

Magnolia, there will be things in life that you won’t want to do, and I will ask you to do them. But I hope that you see me doing things that I don’t like, in watching me take a deep breath before I dial a number, you’ll understand that we do these things because we need to, because we are able, because we need not stop doing what is necessary because it makes us uncomfortable. Each time I do something that I don’t like to do, I get a little better at it. Thanks to you, now I’m becoming an expert at dialing numbers I wouldn’t ever otherwise use, at telling people what I need even when they are grouchy about it.

You are important to us, Magnolia. Even though we don’t know who you are or what you look like or what you will like and what you will not want to do, you are already treasured and hoped for and loved. We love you for who you are now and who you will become. I will probably say this a lot, so get used to it: We cannot wait to meet you.

your mama



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2 responses to “Already Causing Me to Grow as a Person

  1. ok, now I’m crying. Thanks a lot.

    I love you Mary.
    I hope you don’t groan at the obligation to talk when I dial your number!! If you do, you play it off fabulously!

  2. Gloeta

    Beautifully written and made me cry, too. What a powerful letter of encouragement!

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